Within the confines of a D/s relationship there are going to be times when you are faced with either an activity or situation that either appalls, or scares you, occasionally both at the same time.
This is where it’s important to establish both hard and soft limits;stuff that is strictly off limits, and other things which may be explored at a later date.
From a subs perspective, it’s always ALWAYS important that the Dom knows what these limits are, and respects them. Ignoring an hard limit is, for me, an unforgivable thing. I don’t care what dynamic is at play, if something is a very strict ‘No’ and you attempt to push me on it, you’re out the door. There will be a reason why something is off limits…..if the trust that is placed in the Dom is abused by said Dom, then, and I can only talk for myself here, there will be no going back.
Right, now that’s established, I can talk about my own personal Yes, No’s and Maybe’s.
- Scat play/Golden showers – just, no.
- Needle play – I’m needle phobic, and just the mere thought of being confronted with them makes me feel very panicky.
- Being spat on – Spit makes me vomit; if you wish to see what I had for lunch, then this is the way to do it.
- Feet – Now, this may be a weird one, but I just find feet icky, including my own. I read a post recently where the lady licked and sucked her Master’s feet. The intimacy of this act is not lost on me at all, but honestly, seriously DO NOT expect me at any time to do that.
- Daddy – Don’t ask me to call you Daddy. Ever. I have no fetish surrounding this scenario, there’s no time at which I’m going to anything other than freaked out by this.
- Branding – No. Just, no. I’m a pain slut, yes, but this is a step too far.
- Whore – This is a word I don’t like, so to be referred to as thus would be quite offensive to me, however, maybe, in certain circumstances, I could stomach the reference. Maybe.
- Sir – I have said, in the past, that I could not imagine myself calling someone ‘Sir’. I had it put to me that this was due to some feminist ideal I was hanging onto, but that was really not the point I was making. I guess what it boils down to is, erm, the fact that I would feel stupid saying it *shrug*. Were I to ever willingly use this term, it would be in the confines of a longterm relationship where love and trust was established.
- Face Slapping – Again, this is a stumbling block for me, and it is something which I really don’t like. It is also something which, for me, hovers between the two lists, dependent upon my mood. It’s a hard, soft limit. I can see the appeal, but cannot as yet move the mental block that is in the way of wishing to explore this myself. One to think on, perhaps.
The above references are a little insight into how my mind works, and where my limits are. Ofcourse, there is always room to explore, and expand upon, things that may find their way onto either of the above lists, although none of those points made on the Hard Limits list will ever be negotiable. They are there for a reason, my own reason, therefore Hard Limits they shall remain.
As always, any thoughts or comments are welcome.