I have always been submissive by nature, all the way back into childhood I would usually take the submissive role, avoiding confrontation, despite my feisty and temperamental outbursts.
In a D/s context, it’s been a recent revelation to myself that actually, my submission was valid, that that’s what I was, what I am. It has, however, taken a long time to accept that submission does NOT equal doormat, that I can be comfortable with myself without having to be a people pleaser, without being afraid to voice an opinion. A year ago I would not have made this post…I would have run away from defining myself in such a way, because I hated the person I was.
Today, I’m happy with who I am. I can say, with a certain amount of pride, that I am submissive in all my feisty glory, that submission, *my* submission, comes from a place of power, and I can honestly say that that thought, that realisation brings with it an element of peace, and calm. The ability to reflect upon it without feeling that I’m lost, without feeling that it somehow devalues who I am.
It is the exact opposite, it’s empowering, it’s like finding freedom, although with that comes a degree of fear….for when one is suddenly presented with the opportunity to explore the world without restriction when all one has known is repression, it takes courage to step forward and embrace it.
To me, submission is about being able to let go, to rid oneself of self-imposed chains and shackles, and to simply be.
I know myself well enough to know that I need guidance…..without it I’m too reckless, without it I’m my own worst enemy.