…….how do you process pain? Are you the silent type? Screamer? Crier? Is this what is expected of you? How does your partner prefer you to process pain?
OK, first things first.
Yes, I am a masochist. A pain slut.
I fucking love to see the evil intent lurking behind the eyes of the sadist…it fires me up, makes me wet, and completely cancels out any crap that’s lurking in my mind, so that all I am aware of is what is happening in the here and now.
I crave pain, need it, love it, but also see it as something of a competition. How much can I take before I cry enough…..ofcourse the problem with that lies in the fact that I rarely, if ever, give in. I’m a stubborn being, and will take it, and take it, and take it, even if it is becoming intolerable.
I hate feeling defeated…and I see giving in as a defeat, although I think it’s important that I make the distinction here between submitting, and the perceived defeat. The defeat occurs in my head, how I see myself, and has nothing to do with how I view my submission.
As for how I process it, it depends very much on my mood. Some days I have a ‘fuck you’ attitude, and will fight it, play a game of taunt the sadist until I get more. Other times I will simply accept it, allow the pain to take me to that happy place where every minute touch is felt, and revelled in.
Are you the silent type? Crier? Screamer?
Well I’m rarely quiet!! Actual verbalisation I struggle with sometimes, but lots of moaning, and whimpering and teeth grinding…..my neighbours must think I’m being tortured…..oh, wait… *grins*
On the subject of crying…not fucking likely! I hate crying infront of people…even on a one to one I see it as a weakness(and as a disclaimer I’ll say this is *my* take on it, a reflection of self, not a reflection on how I perceive others for whom tears flow freely. In all honesty I sometimes envy those who can simply let go to that extent.)
To answer the rest of the question on what is expected of me, and how it’s preferred I process the sensation of pain….it is expected I take whatever is being dished out, and vocalisation is encouraged.
A specific reaction, however, to the stimuli can never, imo, be predicted. A lot depends on how the scene was set up, if it’s a slow build up, or the intensity is there from the start. There’s an organic nature to how one’s body reacts, and therefore the ‘how’ is up to me. I don’t know exactly what my body will do, in those circumstances I cannot dictate the terms, all I can do is deal with it at the time as best as I possibly can.