I can feel it already, that heaviness settling upon my shoulders, with it’s perverse feathersoft touch, a subtle melancholy shift which will only become more and more oppressive.
It may only be due to the time of year, the lack of daylight hours, the sudden drop of vitamin D, being forcably couped up within the same 4 walls day in, day out, but that doesn’t lessen the impact that this change in mood has.
I Know the signs, the lack of willingness to communicate, the desire to curl up and hide away…..in many ways it’s almost comical, in others far more sinister. The annoying thing being that there is no way to counter it, or rather, I have yet to *find* a way to counter it.
It’s the deep seated loneliness I can’t stand, the mind games the mood plays, the way I seem to be so easily manipulated into feeling so low, despite the fact that there is much for me to be happy about, and that I am happy with.
I’ll save the emo shit for when the days are ridiculously short, and fuse of temper even shorter.
Right now I’m simply highlighting, for myself more than anything, an acknowledgement of the change, knowing I can do nothing bar let it happen, hoping to come out the other side intact.