Someone asked me recently what my kink was, and if I’m honest I didn’t really know how to answer that. I could list a bunch of things I like to do, and have done to me, but that doesn’t really answer the question, not adequately anyway.
Having spent a day or two thinking about it though, my conclusion is that most of what I do is caught up in the notion of, and execution of force.
As in, I like to be made to do things.
I like the struggle, both mental and physical.
I like that I ultimately don’t have a choice.
I need to know that I don’t have a choice.Give me the choice, and 9/10 I’ll take the harder path, the path that leads to me being in even more trouble than I’m (usually) already in.
“Why are you testing me, slut?”, He says.
Because I get off on being made to do it, being made to comply, being made to ‘do as I’m told’.
Don’t be mistaken into thinking that I see it as simply a game, however.
It’s not about that.
Even though I have a bratty streak a mile, or rather several miles wide *sigh*, it’s not about the back chat or obstinance that appears on the surface.
It’s about getting carried away by the highly charged atmosphere created in those moments, it’s about craving that raw emotion that leaves one powerless to do anything but obey*.
It’s about being completely and utterly intoxicated by His power during those exchanges.
It’s about the look that He gets that momentarily steals my breath and makes me feel a multitude of things that I am unable to articulate.
I like that I’m physically weaker, and I like that point to be demonstrated, over and over again.
I like knowing that the hold He has on my wrist, for example, is one I cannot escape from, even if I struggle, even though I still struggle against it. It’s not an attempt to break free, but to further establish our roles, and what I already know.
That He is in charge.
And I cannot get enough of it.
So yeah, make me.
Just fucking make me!
* just a little aside, for the purposes of this little post, I deliberately used the word obey, above, as opposed to submit. Whilst I believe one can definitely be made to obey, I don’t believe submission is something which can ever be forced, a subject I’ll maybe write about at some point in the future, and as such it wouldn’t have fitted in with the overall theme here.