introvert [( in -truh-vurt)]
A term introduced by the psychologist Carl Jung to describe a person whose motives and actions are directed inward. Introverts tend to be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings and minimize their contact with other people.
Of all the words that could be used to describe me, in a general sense, introvert is probably the one which holds most relevance.
I’m the girl who prefers to stay at home by herself instead of going out and meeting new people.
I’m the girl who is useless at small talk and feels acutely embarrassed to be in company as a result.
I’m the girl who has so much going on on the inside, but very rarely expresses it, and appears aloof and unresponsive/disinterested as a result
It’s notoriously difficult to get me to articulate thoughts or emotions or feelings, unless I’ve held onto them for so long that the resultant release is akin to a volcano erupting and it all spews out, usually making no sense and coming as something of a shock to whomsoever it is directed at. Even worse, maybe, is holding onto these things permanently, internalizing to the point everything gets boxed and buried and never really dealt with.
Doing this challenge is proving difficult, far more difficult than I originally anticipated. Generally, my posts tend to be sporadic, and very carefully considered, sitting for days, sometimes weeks being edited, draft after draft written, every word considered…..a lot of my posts never make it onto the blog at all.
With regards how being so introverted impacts on my relationship with Sir, there’s no getting away from the fact that it’s probably the one thing that hinders us the most. It’s something that plays on my mind a lot of the time, something with which I regularly torture myself, inadvertently making the problem worse. It’s why I find situations such as this so difficult. Perversely, it’s why I need Him to be so forceful, and insist I open up during those exchanges, where being submissive actually helps me, where giving up my right to say ‘no’ and subsequently refusing to communicate under those circumstances further cements our bond. If you consider that incident in isolation, it’s kinda hot and sexy and yeah, it ultimately got me off. However, He knows and appreciates that I struggle with articulation, He knows, for me, it’s a challenge in and of itself to vocalise. This is why He puts me in in those situations, then holds me and comforts me after. Where everyone else has to suffer because of my tendency to withdraw, He simply won’t allow it, and I love Him all the more for it.