He finally stopped striking me with the third belt, and my backside was on fire. The hits had stopped being as painful about 3/4 of the way in, and from then on endorphins had taken full control of my body, my brain was foggy, and I was in a state of bliss. I was vaguely aware of Him moving around the side of the bed, but I wasn’t fully aware of what He was actually up to….I didn’t know if He’d gone to find another implement to hit me with, or if play time was now over, or what.
All I knew was euphoria.
He sat down on the edge of the bed, and pressed something sharp into my skin.
I was not prepared for this new sensation, which contrasted so starkly with what had gone before.
My mind tried to decipher what it was He was using, frantically shuffling through the clues my body was trying to send it.
My first thought was a pinwheel, but as He started drawing this whatever over my skin, I guessed I was wrong. A pinwheel moves smoothly over whatever surface it is being applied to. With this there was a degree of drag, yet I still could not get a fix on what it really was.
It’s funny how perception alters when one’s mind has been thus altered, when you try to navigate your way through the fog of subspace and find one small detail to latch onto in order to gain a degree of clarity. My butt was numb from the attention of the belt, so even though He was pressing quite hard with this whatever, I just could not work it out.
It was only when the drag extended from partially numb buttock to achingly sensitive back of thigh that realisation (slowly) dawned.
Blade = knife.
Oh, fuck, He’s using the knife.
A fortnight on, and I still cannot adequately explain what that realisation did to me.
Exhilaration may be a word to consider for that wonderfully bright moment of enlightenment.
Maybe one day I’ll return to the subject and try to write it down
I sucked in air and held onto it as the blade slowly made it’s way down.
He’s used the knife on me before, but this was something else.
The first time, He was cautious, gauging my reaction and being careful not to break the skin.
This time caution was discarded, my body now His canvas as He drew red, angry patterns on my skin. To me, each caress of the blade felt random, sometimes short strokes, sometimes longer…..it felt like the more pain I was experiencing, the slower the blade seemed to travel. I don’t know if this was actually the case, my mind was overwhelmed with endorphins and adrenalin, my body shook involuntarily.
I *think* He may have asked me if I could vocalise how it felt, but I can’t be certain.
Subspace can rob you of the finer details, recollections fractured by chemical intoxication.Neither could I tell you how long He spent carving his dominance into my skin.
I know I felt…….
No, sorry, I still don’t have the words.
I need more time for my brain to assimilate all those moments and details that still tease me by remaining just out of reach.