I’m terrified to go to sleep tonight, the prospect of more nightmares, more flash backs and panic attacks is too much for me to bear.
So I’m here, purging, instead.


It’s at times like this, when fear drives my actions, that I turn to D/s for comfort, and guidance. He isn’t here tonight, but if He were I know I’d be safe, even if a nightmare found me.

So I imagine that, I imagine His presence, His warmth, His arms around me, soothing me as only He can.
Tonight, He is my protector.

This is what day to day D/s looks like to me.

When He asks me to endure, for Him, He coaches me through it, despite the sadist leading the way.
Tonight, He isn’t asking me to endure, but endure I must, so instead I seek His guidance, I conjure up the words I know He’d say, I can feel His hand resting on my cheek, Him telling me to look at Him as He leads me through the ordeal.

Tonight, this is how I’ll find my way.

To my collar my hand strays, finding purchase on the warm, steel links. I feel it’s solidity, it’s invulnerability, the power infused within the sybolism.
To each wave of terror I assign something tangible;a cane stroke, the bite of the flogger, a coiled length of rope leaving cruel welts on my skin.
Masochism becomes the key to my survival as I draw my strength from Him.

I remember that rope, how I suffered, each viscious sting, having to close my eyes, having to crawl, metaphorically, to process the pain.
This is what I have to do tonight.

So to Him,
this colossus of strength and invulnerability,
I crawl,
into His virtual arms I fall,
ever grateful for their ability, even from a distance, to console.

As I close me eyes, I know that no matter what terrors lie in wait, His aura will ameliorate my fear, that with Him, I am safe.